[sudo-discuss] post-Bike Smut follow-up

[Rabbit]

Thanks Pete.  Yes, I wasn't sure if you were part of Bike Smut or not.

I apologize for misunderstanding part of your message, and thanks for
cooling down the potential flame war.

Email is a poor medium for this kind of conversation. :/

-rabbit



On Tue, Jun 25, 2013 at 6:41 PM, Pete Forsyth <peteforsyth at gmail.com> wrote:

> Rabbit,
>
> Thanks for the reply. I think there's a lot of value in what you have to
> say here.
>
> Only a couple points I want to respond to:
> * Sorry I wasn't clearer, I am not part of Bike Smut, beyond being a
> personal friend and a supporter of their mission.
> * Your summary of my message was overstated in a few places -- in
> particular, I most definitely did not mean to suggest that YOU are unkind,
> only that your message was. I don't know the first thing about you, but I
> do start from the assumption that you are a kind person and aiming to do
> good. Also, I have of course no desire to silence you. You obviously have
> worthwhile things to say. I just found it troubling to have those things
> boiled down to a matter-of-fact and inflammatory "this supports rape
> culture."
> * I agree that some more discussion at the end could have been worthwhile;
> and I think it's pretty common at Bike Smut's events.
>
> -Pete
>
>
> On Tue, Jun 25, 2013 at 5:49 PM, Rabbit <rabbitface at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> I have a lot to say about this!
>>
>>
>>
>> Pete,
>>
>> I love the idea of Bike Smut and I wish it success.  I hope it will hear
>> this feedback and improve next time.
>>
>> So, facts and not opinions:
>>
>> -- One of the films showed nonconsensual sex uncritically, without
>> discussion, in an eroticized way
>> -- The event showed that film uncritically, without discussion
>>
>> That is exactly what rape culture is: treating nonconsensual sex as
>> normal, erotic, and desirable, and ignoring the real impact it has on
>> people.  Showing this film in this public setting had the effect of
>> normalizing this kind of behavior, sending the message that it's
>> acceptable.  It possibly also caused sexual assault survivors in the
>> audience to feel invisible, unsafe (because apparently people at the event
>> don't care about them), and triggered or traumatized.
>>
>> I'm not saying any person at Bike Smut is a personal supporter of rape
>> culture.  But this circumstance had the outcome of supporting rape culture
>> regardless of the organizers' intent, and I hope they can see that now and
>> avoid it next time.
>>
>>
>>
>> I commented in public about this public event because Sudo Room tries to
>> be a "safe space" and that means speaking up when this kind of thing
>> happens.  Hacker spaces in particular are often hostile places for women
>> and trans* people and Sudo Room is trying to change that.  I wanted to get
>> the word out to the community that someone at Sudo Room found the film
>> unacceptable -- so that they would feel ok coming here in the future and
>> trusting us as a space in which sexual assault is unacceptable.
>>
>>
>>
>> Finally, a good response to being called out is "oops, thanks, we'll do
>> better."  A poor response to being called out would be, to loosely
>> paraphrase points from the previous email:
>> -- Don't tell anyone what happened
>> -- That's only your opinion
>> -- Don't try to keep this from happening again by proposing policies
>> -- You're unkind
>> -- You're damaging our reputation
>> -- You're hurting the community
>> -- Don't speak about this again
>> -- You should have raised the issue with us in private instead of trying
>> to discuss this event with the community that it affected
>>
>> I sure don't feel comfortable with this.  It's not easy being criticized,
>> but consider the kind of responses that would gain people's trust and
>> demonstrate accountability?
>>
>>
>>
>> But there are a lot of good things about Bike Smut and other DIY porn
>> festivals.  They're fun, but fun with a mission: to dispel shame, celebrate
>> diversity, and provide positive examples of how we want things to be.  So I
>> hold them to a high standard, and especially so when shown in a community
>> space like Sudo Room which has its own standards to uphold.
>>
>> So I hope that Bike Smut succeeds and grows, and also uses a bit more
>> care and empathy in its film curation.
>>
>>
>> -Rabbit
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> On Sat, Jun 22, 2013 at 12:55 PM, Pete Forsyth <peteforsyth at gmail.com>wrote:
>>
>>> Rabbit,
>>>
>>> As far as I can tell, your message of May 20 has gone without much
>>> response. I think this needs to be said: your message unkind, judgmental,
>>> and damaging to the producers of the Bike Smut film and event. While I
>>> recognize that there's room for interpretation and a variety of opinions,
>>> you stated your opinion as though it were fact, and went on to propose a
>>> new policy for Sudo Room based on that fact. I believe that is a damaging
>>> kind of behavior in a community, and hope not to see it repeated. Please
>>> see below:
>>>
>>> On Mon, May 20, 2013 at 2:29 AM, Rabbit <rabbitface at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>
>>>>  Thanks, Vicky!
>>>>
>>>> I want to speak up especially about consent:
>>>>
>>>> 1. Consent on the screen: If we're going to watch porn together (which
>>>> I support!) let's make sure it reflects our values instead of supporting
>>>> rape culture (like the film with the box being delivered).
>>>> http://www.upsettingrapeculture.com/rapeculture.html
>>>>
>>>
>>> The idea that Bike Smut supports rape culture is stands in strong
>>> opposution to my understanding of the project's values. One of the main
>>> goals of Bike Smut as I understand it is to foster healthy dialogue about
>>> sexuality. I saw the short film you're discussing, and agree that it
>>> presented a disconserting, non-consentual act. But it no more *supports*
>>> that act than Hans Christian Anderson supported "child-eating" culture when
>>> he told the story of the big bad wolf.
>>>
>>> If you disagree, that's fair. Perhaps they have strayed from their
>>> values. I think the most respectful way to express that opinion would be to
>>> go straight to the producers, who maintain open lines of communication, and
>>> tell them. Hold them accountable to their stated desire to present material
>>> that fosters healthy communication; initiate a discussion. Posting an
>>> insult to a public mailing list, though, as far as I can tell does no good
>>> at all, and has the potential to do great damage.
>>>
>>> 2. Consent in the audience: Let's be careful to let the audience know if
>>>> there are difficult / triggering things in the porn we're showing which
>>>> could be traumatic for them to see.  This applies to bdsm as well as
>>>> non-consent.
>>>>
>>>
>>> It's hard for me to imagine *any* porn that does not contain things that
>>> are triggering or difficult for *many* people. I was very uncomfortable
>>> attending the Bike Smut event, but chose to embrace that discomfort as an
>>> opportunity to experience new things and maybe learn or grow. It seems to
>>> me that specific trigger warnings targeted to specific audiences would
>>> never be complete, and would be extranous -- I think labeling it as a "porn
>>> screening" to begin with is trigger warning enough.
>>>
>>> Both of these are very serious issues.  In the future I think we need to
>>>> preview shows like this before showing them to an audience.
>>>>
>>>
>>> No real opinion here, except that I think if anyone takes this on, they
>>> will find it's pretty difficult to find things to present that are both
>>> interesting and 100% inoffensive to everyone.
>>>
>>>
>>>> Props to the contestants at the end of the show, though!  That was
>>>> really great.
>>>>
>>>
>>> Agreed, that was probably my favorite part too. I thought the energy of
>>> the producers and the audience was excellent and inspiring.
>>>
>>> -Pete
>>>
>>> p.s. Since lots of people on this list probably don't know me: I've been
>>> to Sudo Room a handful of times, and am a big fan of its existence and
>>> mission, and hope to be more involved in the future. I've also known Rev.
>>> Phil, the guy behind Bike Smut, for over 10 years and consider him a close
>>> friend and an inspiration.
>>>
>>
>>
>
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